A Letter To My Dad..

"So I am glad not that my loved one has gone,

But that the earth he laughed and lived on was my earth too.

That I had known and loved him,And that my love I 'd shown.

Tears over his departure?

Nay,a smile .. :)

That I had walked with him a little while............."

Hi Dad,
Aap kaise ho yeh nahi puchungi after all bhagwanji ke ghar pe ho to achese and aaramse hi hoge.Yeh batao kaise life hai wahan ? aap bhi soch rahe hoge ke achank char saal ke baad yeh letter kyon? Waise aisa to nahi hai ke maine aapko kuch kabhi likha hi nahi..maine suna hai ke wahan se yahan ki sab baatein pata chal jati hai ..aur nahi bhi chalit ho tab bhi kabhi kabar aap bhagwan se hamare bare me puchh to lete hi hoge , hai na? Yah phir wahan jake soch liya ke responsibility khatam..aisa nahi hai na?To me kya keh rahi thi, haan 4 saal kyon ..who kya hai na jab bache ek umr cross kar jate hain to unhe lagta hai ke who kafi bade hogaye hain aur apni uljhanein khud suljha sakte hain..par jab bahat try karne ke baad dekhte hain ke yeh hamare bas ki baat nahi ..tabhi parents se puchte hain..wahi mere saath bhi hua..aap ne kaha tha ke kabhi God se complain mat karna ..par me to bhul hi gayi complain na sahi me kuch baatein aapke saath share to kar hi sakti hun.So aaj yeh khat post kar rahi hun apne blog me.

Ek baat puchun ..wahan internet hai kya ? Maine socha ab duniya itni tarakki kar gayi hai to swarglok me to isse jyada tarraki honi chahiye…. gar internet nahi hai to aap bhagwaanji se kehke thoda lagwao na..janti hun thode jhamele badh jayenge ..sab apne future ke bare me puchenge but u can suggest life time incoming without outgoing facility net connection..yah gar usse thoda acha ho ke wahan se sirf yahoo icons bhej payein ….khair mujhe pata hai ke yeh blog me post na bhi karun tab bhi aap tak to pahunch hi jayegi :)


Waise aapka plan kya hai ..bhagwaanji aapko wahin rakh rahe hain yah onsite aane ka kuch chances hain ?Wahan pe ghar liya kya? Please gar ghar banwao to mere liye ek room rakhna mat bhulna ..chahe hajaron saal baad mulakat ho, me janti hun ke me aapke paas hi aaungi .Pata hai aap ke jane ke baad mujhe lag bhag har roj ek sapna aata hai ….
Me subha uthke aapke paas aati hun ..aap paper padh rahe hote hain....aap mujhe dekhke muskura dete hain. Me aapke paas baith jati hun aur kehti hun …kal raat maine ek bahat bura sapna dekha , mujhe bahat darr laga …aap haske bolte ho koi baat nahi sapna hi to tha..ab jao mere liye ek cup chai banado kam dudh ,kam sakar kam chaipati..wahan aisi chai milti hai kya? Sapna tutta hai to sochti hun kash yeh char saal ek sapna ban jayein ..Kash ek din me sach me uth ke aapko paper padhte hue dekhun …Is jahan me sayad na ho us jahan me yeh sapna jaroor pura hoga..

Yahanpar sab thik hai .Aur mein… . aap char saal pehle jaise chod ke gaye the waisi hi hun..bas thoda patience badh gaya hai …Ab har baat pe roti nahi hun..Haan kabhi kabar thoda rona aa jata hai but utna to chalta hi hai sabke life me :)..I know ke aapko mere aansu bahat taklif dete hain isiliye abhi thodi jyada mature hone ki practice kar rahi hun.Don’t worry jaldi seekh jaungi.

Kuch sawaal hain jo hamesha pareshan karte rehte hain..pata nahi jindagi ki itni analysis karna thik hai bhi yah nahi?U know mujhe kisine ek trick sikhaya..Its about drawing a happy picture in ur mind…something like giving people a benefit of doubt whenever u feel thatthey dont understand or hurt you and draw a positive pic in ur mind and be happy. For example, koi aapse kuch kehde jo aapko bura lage to socho ke usne who mean karke nahi kaha..sayad who pareshan hai isiliye aisa bol diya ..

And u know I applied it and it worked very well..but the problem is that I couldn’t apply it to the people who are very close to me..ab me sabko har baat pe benefit of doubt dene lagi to me kabhi kisise kuch expect hi nahi karungi..is it possible to live a life without any expectation..me sanyashini kyon na banjaun(waise mujhe pata hai if I go in a spiritual line u would be the happiest person but abhi itna gyan nahi aaya)..logon ke beech me rehke naye naye rishte banake sabko benefit of doubt kyon deti jaun..kya karun..??Dekha me aajkal kuch jyada hi sochti hun na..hope mere sawalon ja jawab mil jayenge mujhe..aap pareshan mat hona :)


Aap ko yaad hai aap mujhe kaha karte the ke u will always be with me.My father is just residing in a body and even if you leave the body ..pitrusakti will be there to protect me...so I should be strong and not crave for your physical presence. And I believed you .
People around me made me feel that it’s only the physical presence that matters.But I am still having faith in whatever you said.I know you can hear me whenever I call you. You are always there whenever I need you. You answer my queries .So I just wanted to let you to know that even though sometimes I get scared of things .....I never lose faith on whatever you taught me.


I don’t have any complain to Bhagwaanji that he has taken you with him.I am lucky that I got a chance to spend 23 years of my life with you. Abhi letter bahat bada hogaya..so baki sab next letter me..I hope tab tak aap Bhagwaanji se special request karke hmail(Heaven –mail) account khol diye honge.Till then ham apne telepathy me baat karte rahenge.

Yours ,
Ani

Some couplets

sawan ke bundon me bhi hun, aur dharti ke pyaash me bhi hun,
Khud ko kahin khoyi bhi nahi mgr khud ke talash me bhi hun
*******************************************************
kya karun meri adat hai yun hi dil me utar jana,
pani ki boond hun mujeh har baar sametkar hai bikahr jana
*********************************************************
meri bebasi ki daastan bas itni si thi
jab dard ne aankhon se chalakna chaha ashkon ne bagawat kar di
*************************************************************
kaash mein iss kabil hoti
logon ki duaon me shamil hoti
koi haske yaad karleta mujhe ek pal ke liye..
yeh khusi kaash mujhe bhi hasil hoti
************************************************
Kuch halat ki maange thin
kuch waqt ka takaja tha
mere kandhe pe har dam
mere khwabon ka janaja tha
waqt gujarta chala gaya
dhul chadgaye yadon pe
najane kasie ghav the woh
kyon har jhakham taja tha
~Ani~

Equations of Relationship- Thank God I am bad in this :)

EQUATIONS… I never thought I will need this thing apart from my mathematical studies.I should gracefully admit that I was not an excellent student in math in my school days but I was not that bad too.Getting 71 out of 75 in 10th board in math somehow made me believe that even though I am not pretty good but not that bad .

I failed drastically in math’s (particularly equation’s )application in relationship. Although I was quite aware that all most all relationship work on the basis of equations..that is the give n take mathematics , I couldn’t develop my knowledge in this kind of equations. I have never been able to repay anything in any manner to those people who acted as God’s angels in my life n helped me to make my journey smoother ,at the same time I always tried to be my best to the people around me irrespective of the fact what I get back from them Sometimes I do find myself little bit out of place ..a stranger in this world of people who are great mathematician and can manage their relationship well with this equations.

But I am grateful to those people who made me learn that life is not about application of equations , its about learning how to love n live. I would like to share some incident or rather I should say I would like to thank those wonderful people who has made me feel that THANK GOD I AM BAD IN EQUATIONS OF RELATIONSHIP.

First :-I have a friend who has helped me a lot in my tuff time .Whenever I tried to thank him he stopped me saying that he is not helping me .....he is just doing the things which he is assigned to do by God ..so I should thank God . And I always did ..for giving me a chance to come across such wonderful people n learn from them.

Second:-My dad at his sick days couldn’t mange to go office on daily basis. One day I accompanied Dad to his office for some work, he was one of the manager there so the head clerk used to call him SIR. Dad has some paper work to be done through the head clerk ..he was ltl hesitant in asking him favor. When we went there the Head Clerk gave an encouraging smile offered us a seat . Then Dad told him that he is really feeling bad that they all have to do these wrk for him . And the reply he got from his head clerk is something I could never forget. With tears in his eyes he said ,"u know Sir we don’t do things, its God who make us do .. God actually blessed me in the form of being useful to u in any manner. Doing something for a person like u is a great thing for me. " And that day I have seen one of the most beautiful smile in my Dad’s face. A smile so pure n divine.

I was speechless at that moment. But if I will meet him today I will definitely touch his feet because he has gifted a wonderful thing to my dad n taught me one of the best lessons of my life.
~Ani~

A Daring Smile

I can never forget that day .I was discussing about our course of studies with a group of friends.One friend(who has an exceptional talent of getting hint of future) , suddenly asked me “ have you ever stayed alone in a lonely place?” I was little surprised. Even though I was pretty aware of his habit of asking such type of unusual questions , I couldn’t relate myself to the question at that particular moment. He asked once again ,now with an example , "imagine you would be left in a boathouse or in a jungle all alone where no one can reach you, what would you do? How would you feel?? ” I just smiled, considered it’s the best way of answering such type of question. Latter on , as per my usual practice of discussing all the things with Dad ,I felt an urge to know what he meant by that question? and why he throwed the question at me while the whole group was present there. Dad thought for a moment and said may be he is trying to tell you that at one point of life you will find yourself all alone in the world.
And now after going through that one point of my life, I realize what he was trying to tell me. And if I would have a little hint of what it feels like, I would have never dared to give that smile[:)] as the answer for sure.

~Ani~