God is nearby.. Aas paas hai Khuda

My philosophical friend told me once, “Don’t believe in God and Ghost unless until you see them or feel their presence.”



As I knew he always had a hidden meaning in every thing he said, it made me think deeply in this aspect.


God, someone whom I believed completely and ghosts, something the existence of which I was not particularly interested.


After a deep thought, I realized knowing that someone is somewhere in the world and feeling their presence in your life are two different things altogether.While the first experience brings immense faith the second one makes your belief stronger and increases your confidence. Faith is something I always had for God from childhood because of Dad. His beliefs made me have faith in God.

But that day I requested God to make me feel his presence.And he did. He made me feel his presence with the sudden appearance of angels sent by him. These angels came in form of strangers, friends, guides. A simple talk, a kind deed, confidence  on me.. is what they have always came up with. They helped me without expecting anything in return. And never ever made me feel that they are doing a great deed. I always thank God for being there with me when I needed him the most. Its such a wonderful feeling to know that God is nearby.And I am thankful to all thosewonderful people who made me feel his presence. I am indebted to all of them .


~Ani


P.S. Met some angels last week :) which reminded me of the incident.

Tujhe kaid nahi karna

Tujhe...
sabdon me kaid nahi karna
na hi bandhna hai
zazbaat ke janjeeron mein
bas ek khubsoorat ehsaas banake
mehsoos karna hai dil se


Tujhe.....
paane ki aarzoo nahi karna
na hi umeed karni hai
tujhse tere chahat ki
bas kho dena hai apne wajood ko
tere zeest ki gehrayi me

~Ani

Letter To Dad- III

Hi Dad,



Wish you a very Happy Birthday. So where is the party tonight? By the way there your b’day wouldn’t be on 31st ,no problem we will celebrat it here.Today I am not going to talk about problems or solutions.


Lets talk about ourselves. You know Ashu bhai came last month.We were just talking about you and I was telling him how I talk to you by letters by telling you things.Then he told me something.. something like I am holding you back and its painful for u. Is that so? Nahi na… I have never craved for your physical presence. And I will never forget the things you taught me. Whenever I call your name I refer to the pitrusakti, I refer to God. And I am sure you know that.When he said that, it came to my mind; I am not holding you back, right? I will never do that.


So I just wanted to tell you …I love you Dad but I never intend to hold you back in any form. If I am doing so please let me know. And give my regards to Godji  :)


With love,


Ani  :)

Letter to Dad -II

Hi Dad,

Pata hai ..aap thode naraj ho ke maine sirf Bhagwaanji ko letter likha aur apko nahin.I know aap sender me mera naam dekh ke soch rahe hoge ke aapka letter aaya hai but who bhagwaanji ke naam ho to thoda to bura laga hi hoga. Woh kya hai na bahat complains thi ..aapko likhti to aap pareshan ho jate ..so as soon as I got some solution maine aapko bhi khat likh diya.

Pehle aap batao ..kya chal raha hai..I knw aap bologe ke mujhe leke pareshan ho ..Kya karun ..kabhi kabar jindagi ke sawal mujhe bhi bade pareshan kardete hein..Abhi hojati hun kabhi kabhi dukhi and frustrated..par u know it never lasts for long time Jitni jor je girti hun utni hi jidd se phir se uthke chalna shuru kar deti hun. Pata hai aaj dopehar me bahat barish hui.. thik uske baad tej dhoop bhi..then I got the first answer..Ke me kabhi haar maan hi nahi sakti.. jitni jyada barish hogi uske baad ka dhoop utna hi sunehra hoga..tej ,ujwal..and all my pain vanished..I think you saw me when I smiled ,hai na ? Haan kuch sawal hein jinke jawab abhi bhi nahi mile par mil jayenge. Me bhi na bahat bolti hun ..ab dekhona kahan aapse puch rahi thi ke kya chal raha hai aur phirse meri kahani shuru kardi.

Waise aaj special request aayi hai aapko mail karne ke liye. Aap ne meri nayi dost ko dekha hi hoga.Arre who jis se bus me mulakat hoti hai.We are very good friends now.Aap kuch karo na ,problem hai thoda usse.. job ka kuch ..details ********** in code word haan..to me kya keh rahi thi..dekho thoda dekh lena .. special request ..URGENT.

Aur kya chal raha hai Dad..wahan pe bhi aise pange hein kya ? people always say na grass is greener on the other side.. us dunya se iss duniya ka najara acha lagta hai ??

Ek baat bataun ..chalo rehne do. Aap dukhi ho jaoge.Aapko pata hai I joined a summer camp as a teacher. Aap hote na maja aa jata . Itne pyare bache hein.

You know I always wanted to spend some time with kids.. it feels great .Aur haan joined MBA..sachi me padhai ki aadat chut gayi hain na halat kharab hojati hai exam ke time..pata hai ab aap apna puara dialoge kahoge ..lagja Ani yeh mere jindagi aur maut ka sawal hai aur me phirse aap ko remind kardun, Zindagi aur maut nahi Ijjat ka sawal bolo. Waise paas ho gayi, woh bhi ache numbers se..doston ne kafi pray kiya tha

Aur Bade papa se mulakat hui yah nahi. Unhe bolna haan aise nahi chod ke jana chahiye tha..ham bahat miss karte hein unhe ..unka khayal rakhna ..Aur unhe boldena ke mera ceriticate aagaya.. unhe bahat mann tha na ke me woh course complete karke ceriticate le aaun. I got it. Hope he is having good time with you and Bhagwaanji.

And Dadu ..Bhagwaanji se bolona mere sabse ache dost ko kyon itna pareshan kar rahe hein. Ek hi to dost hai jisse me apni sari problems bejhijak keh deti thi .. mujhme himmat nahi hai usse taklif me dekhne ki ..please do something .Woh lad raha hai na apni ladai ..uspe aur jyada problems mat dalo..please ..

Dinner time ho gaya ..abhi Mom bulayengi . waise aap yeh kya unki baat sunte nahi ho.Aisa thode hi chalega … wahan bhi IPL chal rahi hai kya ? yah achi movies relase ho rahi hein? Suna karo haan ..waise unhe pata hai unki nahi sunoge to mujhe bol dengi aur meri baat aao na suno yeh to ho hi nahi sakta..

To mein jaun dinner khane… kya hua ?? ohh woh baat jo bolte bolte ruk gayi.. batati hun, pata hai nahi bataungi to aap raat bhar sochte rahoge ke kya kehna chahti thi yeh bachi.. to baat bas itni si thi ..Missing you a lot Dad.. aap paas ho ,pata hai phir bhi ..missing u a lot.. abhi dukhi mat hona ..aap bas ek baar mushkurado ..I will be fine :)

Chalo kafi bada letter hogaya .. abhi bahgwaanji dkehenge to puchenge Arre Ajit bhala tera letter mere letter se bada kaise ??iss se pehle ke unhe lage ke maine aapko jyada bada letter likha hai me yahin pe rukti hun. Hope next letter jaldi hi bhejungi..kuch aur sawalon ke jawab ke saath. Till thn..enjoy :)
With lots of love,
Ani :)

Ek khat ..mere pyaare Bhagwaanji ke naam :)

Baba,

Pata nahi kya likhna chahti hun bas yeh pata hai ke kuch likhna hai .
 Bahat si baton ka shukriya ada karma hai aur haan thodi sikayatein bhi hein. Aaap ki sikayatein aapse .

Hmm ..kahan se shuru karun ?? Achi baton se shuruat karte hein.Pehli baat aapki beti se mili aur pata hai ham dono kafi ache dost bhi ban gaye hein.Aap ki bahat baat karte hein..aapne to dekha hi hoga ..dono milke gaye the na aapse milne .Wasie aapki kabhi kabar burayi bhi kar dete hein ke aap ko to hamri fikr hi nahin hai.

Dusri baat ..thanks meri yadon ke pannon se purane sapne churakar unhe pura karne ke liye.Sach me summer camp me bada maja aa raha hai ..bache sach me apke roop hote hein .unke saath bitaya hua har lamha mujhe aapke aur thode kareeb le aata hai.



Ab thodi compalin kardun..?? I know Papa ne mana kiya tha par mujhe lagta hai hum sikayatein unhi se karte hein jinhe ham apna samjhte hein.Gairon se kya sikayatein karna. Aap to sabse jyada apne ho ..to thodi sikayat to karne ka haq hai mujhe sayad. To kardun?? 


Mujhe pata hai aap mujhe bahat pyaar karte ho ,mujhpe aapko bahat bharosha hai lekin iska matlab yeh thode hi hai ke aap mujhe har baar problem me dal do..I also deserve a break. Aap na ek kaam karo aake ek din meri zindagi ka jeeke dekho..Itna complicated kyon karte ho life ko .Jamana badal gaya hai.Chitragupt ji se kehke thoda change karo . Abhi dekhona movies bhi kitne simple ho gaye hein..3 Idiots dekha nahi aapne ? Chitragupt ji ko dikhao ..aur Zindagi ki script likhte waqt thode simple plots banao ..Please haan yeh mere jaise lakhon struggling actors ki roj ki prathana hai.

Aur yeh panaga kya chal raha hai aapka mere saath ?? yahan mere hoton me mushkurahat aate hi wahan mujhe rulane ka program ready kardete ho..this is not fair, you know…Bhulna mat yahan ka kaam khatam karke me wahin aaungi at the end..phir hamara one to one meeting hoga .



Aur nahi ki jati sikayat.. aage aapki marzi.. Acha baba Mood off mat karo..phir se ache baton ki taraf topic mod dete hein. Achi batein .. finally shuruat hui miles ke meet ki. Maine aapko kabhi shukariya nahi kaha na Mujhe Miles dene ke liye ..Itne ache logon ko dost kehne ki priviledge dene ke liye.So a Big Thanks.

Ek baat batao aapko meri yaad nahi aati..yahan bade pange hein sach mein. Papa ko bhi bahat miss karti hun .Kya aap dono wahan baithe baithe kuch nahi karr rahe ho..do some onsite planning for me.  Waise Papa kaise hein ? aap khayal to rakh rahe ho na unka ? Dekho jab me pareshan hoti hun na to woh bahat pareshan ho jate hein ..to gar mujhe pareshaan karne ka aapka plan bane to unhe sambhal lena .Kehna jhel legi bandi ..sach kahun ab to aadat pad jani chahiye ,par pata nahi kyon aap itne pyare ho to aapki di hui jindagi se achi umeedein ho hi jati hai .

Waise yeh batao mujhe misguide kyon kiya ? Aap pe itna bahrosha karti hun isiliye tang karte ho ? Chalo iss baar excused but haan dubara mat karna haan..warna jhagda ho jayga ..itna yaad karungi ke aap wahan chain se reh nahi paaoge ,samjhe .Chalo aaj ke liye itna hi ..bahat raat hogayi …mujhe to neend aa rahi hai ,aap bhi sojao. And aap reply karna chaho to mail id to pata hai na aapko..call bhi kar sakte ho..aaj kal ISD rate bhi kafi cheap ho gaye hein.So  eagerly waiting for your reply.


Good Night n sweet dreams.
Bbye n tc,
Aap ki beti :)

Khudaya ve...

E- khuda tujhse na kabhi sikayat thi na hogi kabhi,
tu bas kuch pal meri zindagi me guajarkar to dekh…


Ujadte rehte hain jo pal pal umeedon ke gahronde
tu ek baar usse pyaar se sanwaar karr to dekh..


Saare dard mitjayein me mukt ho jaun khud se
mujhe  ek baar apni najar se niharke to dekh..


Kahan maine tujhse kayenaat ki khusiyan maangi hai
Bas do pal ke liye apni hi rachna ko pyaar se to dekh…..


~Ani

Ek mulakat..Zindagi ke saath

Aaj ek mod pe mili thi mujhe “zindagi”
Mushkurake boli........


Suno.. me laut aayi hun
bikhr gaye the jo  sapne
woh apne  saath layi hun
chalo milke phirse hum khawab sajate hein
apna ek pyara sa ashiyana banate hein
Dekho aaj me yeh ekraar kari hun
haan me bhi tumse behad pyaar karti hun

Sunke batein uski me bhi mushkuraya
bahat si batein thi dil mein par kuch keh nahi paaya
kaise keh pata ke… 


Jo shiddat se thi tumse woh chahat ab nahi rahi
kya karun Zindagi mujhe ab tumahri talab nahi rahi
Mein woh nahi jisne tumhe chaha tha
mein to bas usi rooh ka saaya hun
kaise apnaunga tumhe jabke aaj mein
khudke liye bhi parya hun




~Ani

EXPRESSO PATRONUM

I have been fascinated by the Harry Poter stories. 
Always wished to have a magical stick with the help of which 
I can turn the situations to my favor, but I thought that 
these things happen only in books not in real life.
But one day while reading the third book
" Harry Poter and the prisoners of Azkaban",
 I realized the concepts in books come from real life only. 
Its just that we think its too difficult to live on those concepts.

All who have read the book must have remembered the magical spell “EXPRESSO PATRONUM” ..the spell has been taught to wizards 
for fighting the dementors who feed on every good feeling,
 every happy memory until a person is left with nothing but his worst experiences, leaving the person with no zeal to live .
In this trick the wizards have to remember 
the most happiest moment of their life and
 pointing the stick to the dementors ,
 spell Expresso Patronum..
 And the dementor changes its shape to a funny creature.

Now that's a great concept .. magical but so true in real life.

In our life we face many situations where we feel that
 the difficulties of life is somehow taking out the good things in us .
We are forced to change or surrender to the situations
 and one day we find that we no longer have
 the childhood innocence in us .
Something dies in this hardships of life.
I tried to apply this magical spell Expresso patronum
 without a magical stick in hand , 
just going by the concept,….
whenever felt hurted ,discouraged,disappointed,
I tried to remember all the good moments of my life…
and suddenly my tears converts into a smile ..
a smile of faith on life , on myself and it did wonders for me .
It helped me to overcome the difficult situations..
For example, if someone close to me 
tells me something which hurts me a lot , 
I try to remember all the good moments with her/him ..
and the smile of faith on them appears..
It makes me believe that those things being said or done
 are not intenional..its just the situation..
ultimately the blame of hurt is transferred from the person to the situation ...

Somehow this magical spell worked for me in real life .
It helped me to control my anger, disappointment 
and to some extent it improved my relationships with people a lot.
So friends whenever you feel sad/discouraged/hurt ..
try to remember the most happiest moment of your life 
n say EXPRESSO PATRONUM.....
 I hope and pray the magic will work for you also ..



~Ani

MY DADDY SMARTEST

Yeh tab ki baat hai jab me class 9 me padhti thi.. 
Garmiyon ke chuttion mein ham nanaji ke ghar pe the. 
Maa ka ek operation hone wala tha aur operation ke baad do mahine ka rest.
Isilye hamne decide kiya tha ke Maa ki tabiyat thik hone tak
 mein maa ke saath hi Nanaji ke ghar par rahungi. 
Papa wahan aate waqt ek bade se VIP suitcase me mere saare books le aaye the.
 Saare books hone ke karan woh bahat hi jyada bhari ho gaya tha. 
Jab Papa Nanaji ke ghar pahunche to mujhe apni nayi creation dikhai ..
Ek ply ko cut karke usme char wheel lage hue the ..
( tab wheel wale suitcase nahi dekhe the maine kabhi ..n concept bhi nahi pata tha) 
Phir achanak mere school ke teacher kehne lage 
mujhe school miss nahi karna chahiye .
To maine chutiyon ke baad Papa ke saath wapas aane ka plan bana liya.


Nanaji ke ghar se 3 ghante ka bus journey till Bhubaneswar
 aur wahan bus stand se station ja kar train pakadna tha hame.
Papa aur mein bahat mushkil se woh suitcase leke
 Bhubaneswar bus stand tak pahunch gaye.
Wahan se hame town bus leke station jana tha.
Main bus stand se town bus stand half kilometer durr tha
 and whan tak suitcase leke jane ka sochkar hi meri halat kharab hogai..
Papa ne apne bag se woh wheel wala ply nikala ..
uske upar suitcase ko dala aur
 ham baap beti ek aage ek peeche rehkar
 usse dhakel dhakel ke aage badhne lage. 
Sab log palat palat ke hame dekh rahe the 
aur mujhe bahat embarrassment ho raha tha. 
Jab ham town bus ke thode karib pahunche
 wahan ek pura gaang khada tha .. 
5-6 bees pachees saal ke bande ..
aur woh hame dekhke bahat hass rahe the. :( 
Mujhe bahat bura lag raha tha
Maine papa se kaha ,"papa ham dono milke utha lete hein..dekhona sab has rahe hein "
 Papa ne kaha koi baat nahi,unhe hasne do ...ham aise hi leke jayenge .
Jab hum Bus ke paas pahunch gaye ..
ek banda bade style maarke aaya aur bola chodo me utha deta hun suitcase bus mein .
Me bus me chadh gayi mere baad papa thn woh banda suitcase pakad ke uthane laga
Tab usse pata laga ke suitcase kitni bhari hai ..
woh to akela utaha bhi nahi paya ..
dosoton ki madad se badi mushkil se bus ke andar suitcase uthaya
 and his immidiate reaction was ...Sir kya idea hai ..aapne yeh kaise banaya , kitna useful hai ..us waqt mere sare embarrassment gayab hogaye .. I felt like a proud daughter..
and I thought ................... My Daddy may not be the strongest
 but thr is no doubt that he is the smartest :)


~Ani

Iss Tarah Sham ko tere Kabil bana diya

Mehfil sajane ke liye chand ko apna Dil Bana diya

Mere pyar ko kabhi na rukne wala samander

Tere pyar ko usse chumta hua sahil bana diya

P.S. -Hav A Close look At the pic..one of its kind and it came naturally :)

Meri Pehchan

Sawaan ki bundoon me hun
Aur dharti ke pyaas me bhi hun
Khud ko kahin khoyi bhi nahin magar
Khud ke talaash me bhi hun

Aasmaan jaise ashaon ki uncahiyon me hun
sagar ki tarah dard ki gehrayion me bhi hun
Khusion ki bheed me shamil rehti hun harwaqt
aur apni udasi bhari tanhayion me bhi hun

me hun hawaoon ki beichaini me
maa ke aanchal ke sukun me bhi hun
has ke sab kuch lutane ki jazbe me shamil paoge tum mujhe
to kahin kuch hasil karne ki junon me bhi hun

chand ke shhetal chaya me hun
Suraj ke tej prakash me bhi hun
kahin aankhon se bikhre hue mooti ke namak me
to kahin hasi se chalke hue meethas me bhi hun

Sawaan ki bundoon me hun
Aur dharti ke pyaas me bhi hun
Khud ko kahin khoyi bhi nahin magar
Khud ke talaash me bhi hun
~Ani

This time a funny story from my childhood

Its long back .. My Mom used to get angry if we take any snacks just after lunch. That day Mom went to Uncle’s house in the afternoon to help aunty in some work. Bro and me were quite happy as there was a big half watermelon kept in freeze and we had a golden opportunity to eat some of that.
We successfully completed our plan..cut the watermelon in such a way that mom cant recognize that we have done something to it. Then we realized the major problem if we throw the peel in the dustbin at home Mom will see. So we decided that I would go out and throw those outside.

Our house was on first floor. Bro stood in the balcony and I came down . I saw a cattle nearby and I went nearby and fed the peels to it one by one.Then suddenly Bro shouted
ANIIIIIIIIIIIIII.. I looked up ..he just ran into the house took a wicket..and ran towards me ..

I was just trying to understand what’s happening a cow pulled me up by her horns and threw me in the air..
I would have been in heaven now if Bro wouldn’t be there at that time.

The story ends here..
All these years I thought the cow hurted me bcos I was feeding the cattle only and not giving anything to it..but..One friend of mine told me the real reason..or we can say moral of the story....

ALL MOMS ARE SAME...It did not hurt me bcos i was feeding the cattle only but bcos i was feeding it at wrong time ..snacks are not allowed just after lunch ;)

25 Mins Bus Journey...

It was a busy Saturday evening . I was coming from my class by BMTC bus. As usual the bus was fully packed and lot of people including me were struggling hard to get a place where they can stand properly. A girl standing in my right side was sobbing. As it’s a tendency of human being to analyze what’s going on by seeing a picture..I started creating my own stories.. Bad result, fight with a friend, not feeling well…etc…

Then she made a call. And I could hear some conversation..(Which was not like intending to hear but as I have already told the bus was full and she is very near to me..by default some words made way to my ears.) She was telling someone to meet her. Telling will be an understatement. She was literally requesting someone to meet her urgently.

Then I made my conclusion....what else it can be ..ofcurse a fight with boy friend.

But somehow I was feeling bad as she was crying. I felt like asking..then stopped myself… Something echoed in my mind “ Ani you should not poke your nose in others business.” There was a fight going on between my mind and heart. Heart was in favor of giving a try and asking her whats the matter and mind. as always No ..

Then finally my heart conquered I took a step forward. And told her “you are looking very worried..can I do something for you ..Don’t worry everything will be alright..I will pray for you.”

Then she told me her story. The story that made me feel so guilty of my previous thoughts…. the story which reminded me of the pain I have gone through one year back..

She told her father met with an accident two days back and had injuries in hand .
He has gone through an operation. Doctor informed the operation was successful in the morning. Her mother was giving sweets to inmates.
And in the afternoon the Dr. called her and said your father has developed some problem in the hand ..we have to observe for 24 hrs .Its getting poisionous ..if the situation don’t improve ..we have to cut his hand.

She couldn’t tell her mother at that time. She is the elder one and her younger brother is too small to understand these things. She wanted to talk to someone so was calling one of her cousin .She couldn’t tell him the thing over phone ,he not being aware of the situation ,was saying that he ‘s too busy so can’t come.

I stood there for 2 mins ....stunned…speechless
Feeling the pain of the moment when I was informed Dad is not among us.And the first thing that came to my mind is No GOD ,Please help her.

Then I said her ..you wanna hug me( Thanks to Munna Bhai MBBS….that jadu ki jhappi funda always worked for me ..so I was sure it will work for her also)..she hugged me and cried for some moments..I could tell her just one line…will pray for you .Don’t worry God is there.

That day I Thanked God from the core of my heart because at the right time he gave me the courage to take that step.. I was so wrong about my first conclusion...

P.S.—I was very reluctant to share this experience because I feel we should not tell what we have done for others. So please don’t make any judgment about me .The way I made my conclusion at that time made me feel ashamed of myself.
The one and only reason for sharing this this experience with you all is ..
IF AT ANY POINT OF LIFE YOU COME ACCROSS A SITUATION LIKE THIS YOU WILL REMEMBER THIS INCIDENT AND NOT FEEL HESITANT TO ASK
IF YOU CAN HELP.

~Ani

this one was written by me ..

Dard ki panahon me gujarte hein jindagi
yeh na pucho bigadte hein yah sawartein hein jindagi
kehte hein tapkar sona aur nikhar aata hai
ham dard ki dhoop me nikahrte hein jindagi

thn my friend suggested some change
Dard ki panah me gujar jaati hain jindagi
yeh na pucho bigadti hai ya sawar hai jindagi
kehtein hein tapkar sona aur nikhar aata hai
yahan dard ki dhoop me nikar aati hai jindagi

just look the difference in the way we see it..i felt mine is mixed with anger and the second one is very gentle..thanks a lot to my friend who helped me to see this aspect of the poetry

The Sole reason of my existence.......

Life has been a great teacher to me.Its always in hard way you learn the best lessons. My life has always been an ordinary one .I never dreamed for best things of life but yes I believed I deserve to be treated well.
Some days back I have gone through a very difficult situation . A situation where I felt that my existence does not matter .I don’t know how people behave like you are a ghost and you don’t exist at all even though you are standing right in front of them. And your pain doubles when you couldn't find out the reason for this behaviour. 'Pain' my childhood friend never left me alone for a moment. And I also made it my best friend and turned it to my advantage by being stronger. But that time it was unbearable , for the first time in my life I asked God..why ?? Why I am here? What’s I am doing between these people for whom I am just a topic of discussion? Who feel my presence only when they need something from me?

God ..being my best friend answered me.. u are alive the one and only reason that can give justification of your existence is I want you to …I love you ..is n’t it the best reason ?

That time I came to know about the most wonderful thing ...................

The sole reason of my existence is God wants me to…and I am glad he really does :)

Kripa

Mujhpe bas itni kripa karna hey Shyam
ke me teri joagn ban jaun
Radha ki tarah tere pyaar me khoun
Meera jaise tumhare gun gaun

Har rup me mujhe bas tum milo
me har rup me bas tumko cahhun
Bas yahi khwaish rahe dil me k
tumhari cahrnon mein me thodi jagah paun

Mujhpe bas itni kripa karna hey Shyam
ke me teri jogan ban jaun
Mujhme mujhse kuch bhi na rahe
Me tum.me bilin ho jaun

A Letter To My Dad..

"So I am glad not that my loved one has gone,

But that the earth he laughed and lived on was my earth too.

That I had known and loved him,And that my love I 'd shown.

Tears over his departure?

Nay,a smile .. :)

That I had walked with him a little while............."

Hi Dad,
Aap kaise ho yeh nahi puchungi after all bhagwanji ke ghar pe ho to achese and aaramse hi hoge.Yeh batao kaise life hai wahan ? aap bhi soch rahe hoge ke achank char saal ke baad yeh letter kyon? Waise aisa to nahi hai ke maine aapko kuch kabhi likha hi nahi..maine suna hai ke wahan se yahan ki sab baatein pata chal jati hai ..aur nahi bhi chalit ho tab bhi kabhi kabar aap bhagwan se hamare bare me puchh to lete hi hoge , hai na? Yah phir wahan jake soch liya ke responsibility khatam..aisa nahi hai na?To me kya keh rahi thi, haan 4 saal kyon ..who kya hai na jab bache ek umr cross kar jate hain to unhe lagta hai ke who kafi bade hogaye hain aur apni uljhanein khud suljha sakte hain..par jab bahat try karne ke baad dekhte hain ke yeh hamare bas ki baat nahi ..tabhi parents se puchte hain..wahi mere saath bhi hua..aap ne kaha tha ke kabhi God se complain mat karna ..par me to bhul hi gayi complain na sahi me kuch baatein aapke saath share to kar hi sakti hun.So aaj yeh khat post kar rahi hun apne blog me.

Ek baat puchun ..wahan internet hai kya ? Maine socha ab duniya itni tarakki kar gayi hai to swarglok me to isse jyada tarraki honi chahiye…. gar internet nahi hai to aap bhagwaanji se kehke thoda lagwao na..janti hun thode jhamele badh jayenge ..sab apne future ke bare me puchenge but u can suggest life time incoming without outgoing facility net connection..yah gar usse thoda acha ho ke wahan se sirf yahoo icons bhej payein ….khair mujhe pata hai ke yeh blog me post na bhi karun tab bhi aap tak to pahunch hi jayegi :)


Waise aapka plan kya hai ..bhagwaanji aapko wahin rakh rahe hain yah onsite aane ka kuch chances hain ?Wahan pe ghar liya kya? Please gar ghar banwao to mere liye ek room rakhna mat bhulna ..chahe hajaron saal baad mulakat ho, me janti hun ke me aapke paas hi aaungi .Pata hai aap ke jane ke baad mujhe lag bhag har roj ek sapna aata hai ….
Me subha uthke aapke paas aati hun ..aap paper padh rahe hote hain....aap mujhe dekhke muskura dete hain. Me aapke paas baith jati hun aur kehti hun …kal raat maine ek bahat bura sapna dekha , mujhe bahat darr laga …aap haske bolte ho koi baat nahi sapna hi to tha..ab jao mere liye ek cup chai banado kam dudh ,kam sakar kam chaipati..wahan aisi chai milti hai kya? Sapna tutta hai to sochti hun kash yeh char saal ek sapna ban jayein ..Kash ek din me sach me uth ke aapko paper padhte hue dekhun …Is jahan me sayad na ho us jahan me yeh sapna jaroor pura hoga..

Yahanpar sab thik hai .Aur mein… . aap char saal pehle jaise chod ke gaye the waisi hi hun..bas thoda patience badh gaya hai …Ab har baat pe roti nahi hun..Haan kabhi kabar thoda rona aa jata hai but utna to chalta hi hai sabke life me :)..I know ke aapko mere aansu bahat taklif dete hain isiliye abhi thodi jyada mature hone ki practice kar rahi hun.Don’t worry jaldi seekh jaungi.

Kuch sawaal hain jo hamesha pareshan karte rehte hain..pata nahi jindagi ki itni analysis karna thik hai bhi yah nahi?U know mujhe kisine ek trick sikhaya..Its about drawing a happy picture in ur mind…something like giving people a benefit of doubt whenever u feel thatthey dont understand or hurt you and draw a positive pic in ur mind and be happy. For example, koi aapse kuch kehde jo aapko bura lage to socho ke usne who mean karke nahi kaha..sayad who pareshan hai isiliye aisa bol diya ..

And u know I applied it and it worked very well..but the problem is that I couldn’t apply it to the people who are very close to me..ab me sabko har baat pe benefit of doubt dene lagi to me kabhi kisise kuch expect hi nahi karungi..is it possible to live a life without any expectation..me sanyashini kyon na banjaun(waise mujhe pata hai if I go in a spiritual line u would be the happiest person but abhi itna gyan nahi aaya)..logon ke beech me rehke naye naye rishte banake sabko benefit of doubt kyon deti jaun..kya karun..??Dekha me aajkal kuch jyada hi sochti hun na..hope mere sawalon ja jawab mil jayenge mujhe..aap pareshan mat hona :)


Aap ko yaad hai aap mujhe kaha karte the ke u will always be with me.My father is just residing in a body and even if you leave the body ..pitrusakti will be there to protect me...so I should be strong and not crave for your physical presence. And I believed you .
People around me made me feel that it’s only the physical presence that matters.But I am still having faith in whatever you said.I know you can hear me whenever I call you. You are always there whenever I need you. You answer my queries .So I just wanted to let you to know that even though sometimes I get scared of things .....I never lose faith on whatever you taught me.


I don’t have any complain to Bhagwaanji that he has taken you with him.I am lucky that I got a chance to spend 23 years of my life with you. Abhi letter bahat bada hogaya..so baki sab next letter me..I hope tab tak aap Bhagwaanji se special request karke hmail(Heaven –mail) account khol diye honge.Till then ham apne telepathy me baat karte rahenge.

Yours ,
Ani

Some couplets

sawan ke bundon me bhi hun, aur dharti ke pyaash me bhi hun,
Khud ko kahin khoyi bhi nahi mgr khud ke talash me bhi hun
*******************************************************
kya karun meri adat hai yun hi dil me utar jana,
pani ki boond hun mujeh har baar sametkar hai bikahr jana
*********************************************************
meri bebasi ki daastan bas itni si thi
jab dard ne aankhon se chalakna chaha ashkon ne bagawat kar di
*************************************************************
kaash mein iss kabil hoti
logon ki duaon me shamil hoti
koi haske yaad karleta mujhe ek pal ke liye..
yeh khusi kaash mujhe bhi hasil hoti
************************************************
Kuch halat ki maange thin
kuch waqt ka takaja tha
mere kandhe pe har dam
mere khwabon ka janaja tha
waqt gujarta chala gaya
dhul chadgaye yadon pe
najane kasie ghav the woh
kyon har jhakham taja tha
~Ani~

Equations of Relationship- Thank God I am bad in this :)

EQUATIONS… I never thought I will need this thing apart from my mathematical studies.I should gracefully admit that I was not an excellent student in math in my school days but I was not that bad too.Getting 71 out of 75 in 10th board in math somehow made me believe that even though I am not pretty good but not that bad .

I failed drastically in math’s (particularly equation’s )application in relationship. Although I was quite aware that all most all relationship work on the basis of equations..that is the give n take mathematics , I couldn’t develop my knowledge in this kind of equations. I have never been able to repay anything in any manner to those people who acted as God’s angels in my life n helped me to make my journey smoother ,at the same time I always tried to be my best to the people around me irrespective of the fact what I get back from them Sometimes I do find myself little bit out of place ..a stranger in this world of people who are great mathematician and can manage their relationship well with this equations.

But I am grateful to those people who made me learn that life is not about application of equations , its about learning how to love n live. I would like to share some incident or rather I should say I would like to thank those wonderful people who has made me feel that THANK GOD I AM BAD IN EQUATIONS OF RELATIONSHIP.

First :-I have a friend who has helped me a lot in my tuff time .Whenever I tried to thank him he stopped me saying that he is not helping me .....he is just doing the things which he is assigned to do by God ..so I should thank God . And I always did ..for giving me a chance to come across such wonderful people n learn from them.

Second:-My dad at his sick days couldn’t mange to go office on daily basis. One day I accompanied Dad to his office for some work, he was one of the manager there so the head clerk used to call him SIR. Dad has some paper work to be done through the head clerk ..he was ltl hesitant in asking him favor. When we went there the Head Clerk gave an encouraging smile offered us a seat . Then Dad told him that he is really feeling bad that they all have to do these wrk for him . And the reply he got from his head clerk is something I could never forget. With tears in his eyes he said ,"u know Sir we don’t do things, its God who make us do .. God actually blessed me in the form of being useful to u in any manner. Doing something for a person like u is a great thing for me. " And that day I have seen one of the most beautiful smile in my Dad’s face. A smile so pure n divine.

I was speechless at that moment. But if I will meet him today I will definitely touch his feet because he has gifted a wonderful thing to my dad n taught me one of the best lessons of my life.
~Ani~

A Daring Smile

I can never forget that day .I was discussing about our course of studies with a group of friends.One friend(who has an exceptional talent of getting hint of future) , suddenly asked me “ have you ever stayed alone in a lonely place?” I was little surprised. Even though I was pretty aware of his habit of asking such type of unusual questions , I couldn’t relate myself to the question at that particular moment. He asked once again ,now with an example , "imagine you would be left in a boathouse or in a jungle all alone where no one can reach you, what would you do? How would you feel?? ” I just smiled, considered it’s the best way of answering such type of question. Latter on , as per my usual practice of discussing all the things with Dad ,I felt an urge to know what he meant by that question? and why he throwed the question at me while the whole group was present there. Dad thought for a moment and said may be he is trying to tell you that at one point of life you will find yourself all alone in the world.
And now after going through that one point of my life, I realize what he was trying to tell me. And if I would have a little hint of what it feels like, I would have never dared to give that smile[:)] as the answer for sure.

~Ani~