Kripa

Mujhpe bas itni kripa karna hey Shyam
ke me teri joagn ban jaun
Radha ki tarah tere pyaar me khoun
Meera jaise tumhare gun gaun

Har rup me mujhe bas tum milo
me har rup me bas tumko cahhun
Bas yahi khwaish rahe dil me k
tumhari cahrnon mein me thodi jagah paun

Mujhpe bas itni kripa karna hey Shyam
ke me teri jogan ban jaun
Mujhme mujhse kuch bhi na rahe
Me tum.me bilin ho jaun

A Letter To My Dad..

"So I am glad not that my loved one has gone,

But that the earth he laughed and lived on was my earth too.

That I had known and loved him,And that my love I 'd shown.

Tears over his departure?

Nay,a smile .. :)

That I had walked with him a little while............."

Hi Dad,
Aap kaise ho yeh nahi puchungi after all bhagwanji ke ghar pe ho to achese and aaramse hi hoge.Yeh batao kaise life hai wahan ? aap bhi soch rahe hoge ke achank char saal ke baad yeh letter kyon? Waise aisa to nahi hai ke maine aapko kuch kabhi likha hi nahi..maine suna hai ke wahan se yahan ki sab baatein pata chal jati hai ..aur nahi bhi chalit ho tab bhi kabhi kabar aap bhagwan se hamare bare me puchh to lete hi hoge , hai na? Yah phir wahan jake soch liya ke responsibility khatam..aisa nahi hai na?To me kya keh rahi thi, haan 4 saal kyon ..who kya hai na jab bache ek umr cross kar jate hain to unhe lagta hai ke who kafi bade hogaye hain aur apni uljhanein khud suljha sakte hain..par jab bahat try karne ke baad dekhte hain ke yeh hamare bas ki baat nahi ..tabhi parents se puchte hain..wahi mere saath bhi hua..aap ne kaha tha ke kabhi God se complain mat karna ..par me to bhul hi gayi complain na sahi me kuch baatein aapke saath share to kar hi sakti hun.So aaj yeh khat post kar rahi hun apne blog me.

Ek baat puchun ..wahan internet hai kya ? Maine socha ab duniya itni tarakki kar gayi hai to swarglok me to isse jyada tarraki honi chahiye…. gar internet nahi hai to aap bhagwaanji se kehke thoda lagwao na..janti hun thode jhamele badh jayenge ..sab apne future ke bare me puchenge but u can suggest life time incoming without outgoing facility net connection..yah gar usse thoda acha ho ke wahan se sirf yahoo icons bhej payein ….khair mujhe pata hai ke yeh blog me post na bhi karun tab bhi aap tak to pahunch hi jayegi :)


Waise aapka plan kya hai ..bhagwaanji aapko wahin rakh rahe hain yah onsite aane ka kuch chances hain ?Wahan pe ghar liya kya? Please gar ghar banwao to mere liye ek room rakhna mat bhulna ..chahe hajaron saal baad mulakat ho, me janti hun ke me aapke paas hi aaungi .Pata hai aap ke jane ke baad mujhe lag bhag har roj ek sapna aata hai ….
Me subha uthke aapke paas aati hun ..aap paper padh rahe hote hain....aap mujhe dekhke muskura dete hain. Me aapke paas baith jati hun aur kehti hun …kal raat maine ek bahat bura sapna dekha , mujhe bahat darr laga …aap haske bolte ho koi baat nahi sapna hi to tha..ab jao mere liye ek cup chai banado kam dudh ,kam sakar kam chaipati..wahan aisi chai milti hai kya? Sapna tutta hai to sochti hun kash yeh char saal ek sapna ban jayein ..Kash ek din me sach me uth ke aapko paper padhte hue dekhun …Is jahan me sayad na ho us jahan me yeh sapna jaroor pura hoga..

Yahanpar sab thik hai .Aur mein… . aap char saal pehle jaise chod ke gaye the waisi hi hun..bas thoda patience badh gaya hai …Ab har baat pe roti nahi hun..Haan kabhi kabar thoda rona aa jata hai but utna to chalta hi hai sabke life me :)..I know ke aapko mere aansu bahat taklif dete hain isiliye abhi thodi jyada mature hone ki practice kar rahi hun.Don’t worry jaldi seekh jaungi.

Kuch sawaal hain jo hamesha pareshan karte rehte hain..pata nahi jindagi ki itni analysis karna thik hai bhi yah nahi?U know mujhe kisine ek trick sikhaya..Its about drawing a happy picture in ur mind…something like giving people a benefit of doubt whenever u feel thatthey dont understand or hurt you and draw a positive pic in ur mind and be happy. For example, koi aapse kuch kehde jo aapko bura lage to socho ke usne who mean karke nahi kaha..sayad who pareshan hai isiliye aisa bol diya ..

And u know I applied it and it worked very well..but the problem is that I couldn’t apply it to the people who are very close to me..ab me sabko har baat pe benefit of doubt dene lagi to me kabhi kisise kuch expect hi nahi karungi..is it possible to live a life without any expectation..me sanyashini kyon na banjaun(waise mujhe pata hai if I go in a spiritual line u would be the happiest person but abhi itna gyan nahi aaya)..logon ke beech me rehke naye naye rishte banake sabko benefit of doubt kyon deti jaun..kya karun..??Dekha me aajkal kuch jyada hi sochti hun na..hope mere sawalon ja jawab mil jayenge mujhe..aap pareshan mat hona :)


Aap ko yaad hai aap mujhe kaha karte the ke u will always be with me.My father is just residing in a body and even if you leave the body ..pitrusakti will be there to protect me...so I should be strong and not crave for your physical presence. And I believed you .
People around me made me feel that it’s only the physical presence that matters.But I am still having faith in whatever you said.I know you can hear me whenever I call you. You are always there whenever I need you. You answer my queries .So I just wanted to let you to know that even though sometimes I get scared of things .....I never lose faith on whatever you taught me.


I don’t have any complain to Bhagwaanji that he has taken you with him.I am lucky that I got a chance to spend 23 years of my life with you. Abhi letter bahat bada hogaya..so baki sab next letter me..I hope tab tak aap Bhagwaanji se special request karke hmail(Heaven –mail) account khol diye honge.Till then ham apne telepathy me baat karte rahenge.

Yours ,
Ani

Some couplets

sawan ke bundon me bhi hun, aur dharti ke pyaash me bhi hun,
Khud ko kahin khoyi bhi nahi mgr khud ke talash me bhi hun
*******************************************************
kya karun meri adat hai yun hi dil me utar jana,
pani ki boond hun mujeh har baar sametkar hai bikahr jana
*********************************************************
meri bebasi ki daastan bas itni si thi
jab dard ne aankhon se chalakna chaha ashkon ne bagawat kar di
*************************************************************
kaash mein iss kabil hoti
logon ki duaon me shamil hoti
koi haske yaad karleta mujhe ek pal ke liye..
yeh khusi kaash mujhe bhi hasil hoti
************************************************
Kuch halat ki maange thin
kuch waqt ka takaja tha
mere kandhe pe har dam
mere khwabon ka janaja tha
waqt gujarta chala gaya
dhul chadgaye yadon pe
najane kasie ghav the woh
kyon har jhakham taja tha
~Ani~

Equations of Relationship- Thank God I am bad in this :)

EQUATIONS… I never thought I will need this thing apart from my mathematical studies.I should gracefully admit that I was not an excellent student in math in my school days but I was not that bad too.Getting 71 out of 75 in 10th board in math somehow made me believe that even though I am not pretty good but not that bad .

I failed drastically in math’s (particularly equation’s )application in relationship. Although I was quite aware that all most all relationship work on the basis of equations..that is the give n take mathematics , I couldn’t develop my knowledge in this kind of equations. I have never been able to repay anything in any manner to those people who acted as God’s angels in my life n helped me to make my journey smoother ,at the same time I always tried to be my best to the people around me irrespective of the fact what I get back from them Sometimes I do find myself little bit out of place ..a stranger in this world of people who are great mathematician and can manage their relationship well with this equations.

But I am grateful to those people who made me learn that life is not about application of equations , its about learning how to love n live. I would like to share some incident or rather I should say I would like to thank those wonderful people who has made me feel that THANK GOD I AM BAD IN EQUATIONS OF RELATIONSHIP.

First :-I have a friend who has helped me a lot in my tuff time .Whenever I tried to thank him he stopped me saying that he is not helping me .....he is just doing the things which he is assigned to do by God ..so I should thank God . And I always did ..for giving me a chance to come across such wonderful people n learn from them.

Second:-My dad at his sick days couldn’t mange to go office on daily basis. One day I accompanied Dad to his office for some work, he was one of the manager there so the head clerk used to call him SIR. Dad has some paper work to be done through the head clerk ..he was ltl hesitant in asking him favor. When we went there the Head Clerk gave an encouraging smile offered us a seat . Then Dad told him that he is really feeling bad that they all have to do these wrk for him . And the reply he got from his head clerk is something I could never forget. With tears in his eyes he said ,"u know Sir we don’t do things, its God who make us do .. God actually blessed me in the form of being useful to u in any manner. Doing something for a person like u is a great thing for me. " And that day I have seen one of the most beautiful smile in my Dad’s face. A smile so pure n divine.

I was speechless at that moment. But if I will meet him today I will definitely touch his feet because he has gifted a wonderful thing to my dad n taught me one of the best lessons of my life.
~Ani~

A Daring Smile

I can never forget that day .I was discussing about our course of studies with a group of friends.One friend(who has an exceptional talent of getting hint of future) , suddenly asked me “ have you ever stayed alone in a lonely place?” I was little surprised. Even though I was pretty aware of his habit of asking such type of unusual questions , I couldn’t relate myself to the question at that particular moment. He asked once again ,now with an example , "imagine you would be left in a boathouse or in a jungle all alone where no one can reach you, what would you do? How would you feel?? ” I just smiled, considered it’s the best way of answering such type of question. Latter on , as per my usual practice of discussing all the things with Dad ,I felt an urge to know what he meant by that question? and why he throwed the question at me while the whole group was present there. Dad thought for a moment and said may be he is trying to tell you that at one point of life you will find yourself all alone in the world.
And now after going through that one point of my life, I realize what he was trying to tell me. And if I would have a little hint of what it feels like, I would have never dared to give that smile[:)] as the answer for sure.

~Ani~

I love being selfish

Loving urself/Being selfish is a great thing.. I believe that we never do anything to please anyone . When we can accept the truth that we all have a self-interest in everything we do ,we might take it more positively.I have never been able to do anything for others ,be it trying to help someone or doing anything for others ,I have always reminded myself that I do it only Because I love doing these things.When I give my share of happiness to someone its only because the happiness he/she gets from it is more important to me.So even if I had to hurt myself a little bit to see another smile it does not matter much .Its "I love" everywhere..so love urself so that you will never regreat doing or sacrificing anything for others.

~Ani~

woh na samjhenge unke bas ki baat nahi

jo haske todte hain dil aur kehte hain bhul hui anjane me

dard sehne ki aadat si pad gayi hai sayad

ab to majja hamko bhi aane laga hai chot khake muskurane me


tamanna -e-jindagi kisse hai doston

ham to maut maanga karte hain har ghadi duaon me
~Ani~

Gam Ka Andhera

Yun gamon ne mujhe charon taraf se ghera hai
lagta hai jaise har taraf andhera hi andhera hai
khusi ki ek pal hi hai mujhe talash
najane kahan par woh savera hai

yeh na samjho jindagi ke rahon me machal jaungi
thoda waqt do mujhe ,me khud hi sambhal jaungi
bahalene do askon ko abhi in aankhon se
ke ghav yeh bada hi gehra hai
~Ani~

Zamana Kharap Hai

aaj ke is kaliyug me
jeena to jaise ek shraap hai
har koi har baat pe bole
Zamana hi karab hai

jab kiya tha padhna suru
pehli seekh thi maa ,baap se uncha guru
padhne ke liye jab school me aayi
masterji ne nayi paath padhai
bole gar ache number lana chaho
mere paas tution ko aao
sunkar mera maatha ghuma
school to suna tha,'tution' naam pehli baar tha suna
mera to bharam tha tuta,
pehli seekh thi woh bhi nikla jhuta
apne badon se pucha to bole
Duniya ki is andhadhuni me
tere sawal ka na koi jawab hai,
kya bhala hum kar sakte hain
yeh zamana hi kharab hai

ek din raste me ladkon ne cheda
mujhme gussa aur dukh jaga thoda
soch rahi thi kuch kar jaun
inko jara me sabak seekhaun
itne me ek mausi aayi
bade pyar se mujhko samjhaii
beti apne gusse pe kabu paao
thodi si to akal lagao
kyon bhala inse ladti ho
bekar ke jhamelon me ,kyon padti ho
aaj kal ke duniya me
yeh batein kafi aam hai
kya bhala hum kar sakte hain
yeh zamana hi kharab hai

soch rahi thi me thaki haari
aakhir kis ki hai jimmedari
kaun hai jo aage aayega
is chalan me parivartan kaun layega
itne me ek awaaj hai aayi
piche kahdi thi meri parchai
has kar boli kya karti ho
tum bhi to age aane se darti ho
dusron pe na iljaam lagao
kuch karna hai to khud karke dikhao
jo bhi yahan ho raha hai
uske jimmedar khud aap hain
chodo bhi har baat pe kehna
ke zamana yeh kharab hai
~Ani~

Zindagi

mujhe jis ki talash thi,

jo kabhi na mujse durr hui

na hi mere paas thi

usi ka naam to tha "Zindagi"

har mod pe dhunda jisse

woh aankhmi choli khelti hui

mere samne se gujari gayi

usi ka naam to tha "Zindagi "

kaid karna chaha jab bhi

woh mere band muthi se

ret banke phisal gayi

usi ka naam to tha "zindagi"

pehcahn ne ki koshis ki magar

badlte mausomon ki tarah

apne rang jo badalti gayi

usi ka naam to tha "Zindagi"

mujhe jisse bepanah pyar tha

jo har ghadi mere aarjoo me thi

aaj duaon se bhi nikal gayi

haan usi ka naam to tha "Zindagi"

~Ani~

Ek Masiha

woh aaya hawa ke jhaunke ki tarah ,
aur gujar gaya
waqt ka hasin lamha tha,
jo dil me thehar gaya

sadgi usme thi phoolon ki
rang sapnon ka chadha tha
berang jindagi me aakar ,
umeedon ke rang bikher gaya

achi achi batein sikhata tha
dard me bhi muskurata tha
khuda ka nek banda tha
har taraf khusiyan bikher gaya

na uske aane ki khabr hoti thi
na kahin jane ka thikana
hairaan kardeta tha mujhe
jindagi ke har muskil mod pe uska miljana
ek pal ke liye jindagi me aakar
umra bhar ka sabak dekar gaya

~Ani~

Ek Khat

kuch khwaishein,kuch fariyadien,

kuch apne iljaam likhun

gar ezazzat de khuda ,

to ek khat me tere naam likhun

tune jindagi jine ke liye bheja mujhe

me bas jinda rehne ki adakari seekhi,

tu kahe to aaj khud ko me baimaan likhun

mana nadan hun galti ho gayi hogi mujhese

tu khuda hoke bhi tere pyar me kami mehsush hui ,

tu bata mai kis lafz me tujhe nadan likhun

kabhi alla,kabhi iswar,kabhi jesus phukarte hain tumhe

ek roop sau naam se mashoor hone wale,

soch me hun ke liphafe pe me kiska naam likhun

~Ani~

Kya Kahein

Kya kahein zindagi me kya dekha
Na kuch bhala , na kuch bura dekha

Jo hath me khanjar liye kar chala tha mujhpe bwar pe bwar
usi shakhs ko mere liye mangte hue dua dekha

kabhi gir gir ke sambhle to kabhi sambhal sambhal ke gir gaye
log naam dete hain kisko "tajurbaa" dekha

maut ke baad tan ko jalate hai yahan
Jindagi ke aag me jalte hue rooh ko sada dekha

aankhon me dard ke moti,hoton pe umeed ki hasi,
fizaon me achanak baharon ka ada dekha

sau dard ,sau jhamele ,phir bhi jine ki hai chah
chadh ke na utarne wala jindagi ka nasha dekha

ache bure ka fark bhala hum kaise karte
har sakhs me bas tujhko e- khuda dekha
~Ani~

Dua

Har ghadai har waqt ek hi dua maangti hun

ek tere siva ,tujhse e-khuda , me aur kuch kahan maangti hun

suna hai tu har dil pe raj karta hai..

me bas tere dil me apne liye thodi si jagah maangti hun

ek tere siva...

Itni badi hai duniya sau tarah ke log hain isme..

is bhari duniya me se apne liye , ek sakhsh tujhsa maangti hun

ek tere siva...

chotasa dil hai mera, choti choti hai khwaishein isme

tere is bade se jahan me , apna ek chota sa aasiyan maangti hun

ek tere siva...

~Ani~

Expectations:-Root cause to every pain or An essential part of survival??

Yes, this thought came to my mind when I read the viewpoint to my topic “Chasing Ghosts”. Although I liked the reply very much ,but one particular line “Expectations always lead to sorrows" made me think about this. Expectations root cause of every pain., is it really so??

Expectations ..a very heavy word for all of us..a burden ,a negative thing..but isn’t it something without which we can’t live ..From the very childhood parents try to teach their child all the good things because they expect them to become a good human being..then after growing up everyone starts to set expectations from themselves..be it achieving some dreams, behaving in a particular way…..Nobody can make him free from this word.. Even the saints who have left social life for a better insight to the spiritual world.,are not free from expectations…. for example expectation from themselves to lead a simple life without luxury to achieve mokshya...expection from God that he will guide them..

I think at each and every moment of my life I am either meeting my own or the expectations of people around me.... then how can I leave without these? For me its almost impossible..Why we consider it such a bad thing ? As we all have seen every thing has its own positive as well as negative side…it also has some .We must learn not to expect too much from anyone.. making our expectations burden on them. Although I have learnt to manage my expectations from myself as well as from others,there is still one question unanswered…..

Is there a life without expectation??

~Ani~

Dard

Dard sehne ki had to banati hun ,
us had se gujar jati hun
Jine ki aarajo main ,kai maut mar jati hun

waqt karchala hai sitam pe sitam..
khud ko sametne ki chah me aur bhi bikhar jati hun
Jine ki aarjoo me....

saye se bhi na kabhi chaunkti thi me
aajkal aaine me khud ko dekhun to darr jati hun
Jine ki aarjoo me....

~Ani~

Talash

Us sakhs ko main shamo sehar dhudti hun
Jo aankhon se ruh ko chun jaye woh najar dhundti hun

kisi rah par miljaye woh mujhe chalte chalte
Zindagi ka ek aisa safar dhundti hun...

uska na milna todta hai mere umeed ko har baar magar
main har naumeed ko karke beasar dhundti hun..

maine use chaha nahi uski ibadat ki hai
kya kahun kisi insaan ko dhundti hun yah apna khuda dhundti hun

~Ani~

CHASING SHADOWS

In my childhood days the world was is full of love and affection. I had a notion that people around really love us and we should do the same. But as I grew up everything started changing. People, their love, affection, attitude… almost everything. It was just like heavy rains in winter season for me. I know it can happen but what if you find rain in each and every day of the winter season. You will assume that there might be something wrong, probably a cyclone or kind of something.. But as I was quite poor in science I could not detect it earlier and it hit my life drastically.
post cyclone period I found myself all alone in a graveyard, not of people but of their love, affection.or in other terms it was the graveyard of humanity. I always believed that circumstances may affect your life but it cannot completely change you. So when I saw people changing around me, I was stunned.

Still I tried, tried my best to manage the situation hoping that may be someday I will recoup the old world and everything will be alright. But I was wrong, how couldn’t I realize that the time that has gone will never come again. My belief was so wrong. Just one seizure changed people around me totally. Soon I realized that the devil of that cyclone is coming towards me. It wanted to take away all the good things from me. But I did not want to surrender..so I started running ,running aimlessly ..to find a better place where I can hide myself ..to hide within the good people ..assuming may be the devil will back out seeing some positive force. ...he wont dare to proceed towards me. But I didn’t find a place till now..and …..
I am running ..Still running…

~Ani~

A Tribute To My Friends

Friend...a character chosen by us for sharing some thoughts, getting some guidance and making our time pass in a better way through some chit-chats. But I never choose my friends. rather they just suddenly appear in different phases of my life as God's wonderful surprise gifts. Dad always told ,pray to God to be with you always in a physical form, be with you as a friend. and I made this prayer a practice. Today I have completed some good as well as bad phases of my life, and when I look back ,I am glad that dad advised me such a wonderful thing........

I always failed to define the term friendship .Whenever anyone asked me what friendship means to me., my reply was a straight and simple one. It starts with F and ends with P. It doesn't have limitations and certainly has some boundries..some prohibited areas which we need not go wondering as its precious and very personal to them. God has blessed me with a wonderful set of friends with whom I dare to be myself(although I agree that being an original piece. I have never pretended in front of anyone at the same time I have never disclose my weaknesses to all acquaintances)all r very unique in their own sense but they all have some things in common. a beautiful soul. caring heart ,and a supporting hand..

My friends never stopped or comforted me when I cried rather they let me shed my tears saying it will relieve my pain…,never advised me when I made mistakes. rather they promised to be in my side while I face the consequences and learn from it ,they never praised me for some achievements rather they made me feel there r a lot of more things to achieve ,so I have to work harder. They never console me on my failure, rather look straight in my eyes making me believe that I can SURVIVE..SURVIVE under any circumstances and can come out as a winner. Friends who taught me that they will be always there with me but I must learn how to stand alone.

Friends ..Gods wonderful gift ..I know words r not enough and the things you all have done for me cannot be. expressed in words. I owe you all a lot. EVEN IF I HAVE LEARNT HOW TO STAND ALONE ITS GREAT TO HAVE YOU ALL BY MY SIDE. Thanks for being in my life...and inspiring me and most of all making me believe that LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

~Ani~

Maasum Hasi

Tumne dekha hai kabhi woh maasum si hansi??

Jo jindagi ke palon ko yaadgar banati hai

Kya tumne dekha hai kabhi woh maasum si hansi??

Jise dekhkar baharein bhi kihilkhilati hai

Un nahe nahne kadmom ko chalna sikhana

Apne bachon ke liye hazaron sapne sajana

Woh kahani ke bahane achi batein baytana..

Galti pe ankhe dikhakar phir chupke se muskurana..

Tumne dekha hai kabhi woh maasum si hansi??

Jo apne sote hue bache ko dekh maa ke chere pe sukun se ubhar aati hai

Kya tumne dekha hai kabhi woh maasum si hansi??

joh hame pyar ke riste ka mool samjhati hai

Apni to har baat tha use hi baatana

Jab woh tha to kitna aasaan tha muskilon se takrana

Juda rehkar bhi ek pal ke liye usse na bhulana

Yaad aata hai sabko apni dosti ka zamana.

Tumne dekha hai kabhi woh maasum si hansi??

Jo ek bichde hue dost ke miljane se najron me chamka jati hai

Kya tumne dekha hai kabhi woh masum si hansi?

Jo purani yaadon ko sunehera kar jaati hai

Choti choti batoon pe ek duje ko satana

Jhot mut ka roothna karke koi bahana

Bada hasin hota hai woh chahat ka zamana

Uski to har ada kar deta hai deewana

Tumne dekh hai kabhi woh maasum si hansi?

Jisko dil main liye ek ladki kai khwab sajati hai

Kya tumne dekha hai kabhi woh maasum si hansi??

Jo kisi ke dil main pyar ke deep jalati hai..

Gar dekha ho kahin woh maasum si hansi.

to mere dost mujhpe ek ehsaan kar jana

zindagi main jab bhi kisi se milo

use ek maasum hansi ka taufa de aana

~Ani~

Umeed

Umeed phir bhi hai is bedard jamane se

Jo chot pahunchata hai mujhe har ek bahne se

Kya samjhega koi yeh phasana sunane se

Ke dard kum nahin hota askon ko bahane se..

Jo tut raha hai mere sapno ka mahal hai

Mere rab tu bata kyon har bar tut ta mera dil hai

Koi gair hota to sikayat kar bhi leti

Par apnon se to iltaja karna bhi muskil hai

Ke sukun is dil ko to na aayega apnon pe elzaam lagane se..

Sab khus rahein sada yeh dua karti hun

Kisiki khusi ko meri najar na lagjaye isiliye darti hun

Nasib yeh mera hai jamane ki khata kya hai

Ke nasib to badla nahin ja sakta hathon ki lakeeron ko mitane se..

Jine ki aas liye jiti hun,ek ajab si pyas liya jiti hun

Sayad miljaye mujhe is dard ki dawa,uski talsh liye jiti hun

Ke jina koi chod to nahin deta ek do thokar khane se...

~Ani~